Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize