yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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