My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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