It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
