My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
