you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
