I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
