what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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