Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
