My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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