So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
