Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
