ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
