tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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