i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
