I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
