ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize