Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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