omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
