Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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