I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize