I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
