And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is wine microwaveable?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
