I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
