You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
