oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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