we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
