And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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