Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
