How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize