I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize