I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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