I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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