put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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