You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize