All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
