When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
