Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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