i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
