I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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