Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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