My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
