Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
