My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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