yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
