Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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