after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
