a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
