69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
