I look better un-naked...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let's get the cat blown out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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