I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize