i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
