My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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