We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
