Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
