he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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