i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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