We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
